You are my loving son /daughter; most intelligent and obedient…my hearts always melts towards you than ……
All families demonstrate some degree of favouritism , in some its very apparent: in others it’s mild, hard to see or even articulate. It’s this intensity that in turn decides the impact it has on a Childs development and sense of self. In our society, many of us execute our feelings as parents towards children without considering its outcomes in the neglected child and its impacts on the siblings bonding.
Parent’s favoritism is when one or both parents showers regular favoritism towards one child over other. As parents we always try to remain neutral towards our all kids usually and treat all of our kids equally but that seems harder than its sounds and it becomes more harden with having special needs child in family.
Globally Across gender, there are subjects who have experienced discrimination in the form of disability, skin colour, height, comparisons, name calling, acceptance, lack of understanding, from their family as compared to the total love their siblings received. But the country like Pakistan even it is Islamic country, Islam has privileged the women in many ways, but unfortunately the norms are stronger than religion in our community.
From many decades especially parents of rural areas show their unconditional love towards sons more rather than daughters either its financial status or social status. Parents, whether consciously or unconsciously through their comments, non-verbal behaviors, and then very tangible actions ends up showing favoritism towards one sibling.
All such type of privileges starts very early on when children are 4 or 5 years old and carry into late adulthood, as long as the parents live. But the prospect with special needs child is totally different. From the day one 80 % parents deprived of to accept the child with his/her disability. Sadly, the wounds continue to exist even after parent’s death, when the assets have been unfairly distributed in a will.
The preferred sibling often is the recipient of consistent attention, love from parents, gets away easily even when there are disciplinary issues involved and, of course, receives special treatment when it comes to permission for staying out late or even career choices.
Various factors influence this privileged, which prevails within families.
1. It’s a birth order
4. Childs temperament
5. Child choices/career
Reality is that all such
factors are mere explanations, not justification. With the passage of time children carry wounds from their early years, and these impacts there, self-esteem, trust, choices, relationships, and sometimes even decisions about whether to have children. All such actions make a child to consider him to have a shorter end of the stick and for special need child is something like being on a never-ending waiting list. Too often, in the minds of persons without special needs, segregation is the preferred option when it comes to special needs person .by its very nature, segregation is isolating and inferior .the false notion of “special needs” leads to segregation. A special need deserves more.
Parental favouritism, harmful effects on children;
🍓 Favoured children grow up to become spoiled brats
They can display unnecessary tantrums, demand a lot of gifts, and also display adamant behavior right from their childhood. Favoured children may feel a sense of superiority and tend to believe that they can break rules.
🍓 Fosters sibling rivalry
🍓Stress and self-esteem;
Displaying partiality towards a child can cause unrequited stress on the other child. The feeling or perception of being the less favourite can hurt the self-esteem of a child.
People usually don’t forget that they were not treated fairly by their parents. The neglected children may develop hatred towards the parent who displayed favouritism.
Due to lack of encouragement and support, they start doubting their abilities, suppress their talents and fail to achieve their true potential. According to psychologists, an emotionally healthy child will want to display his or her talents and will also learn faster. Always promote your kids to display their talents and do not praise or encourage only one child. Encourage all the kids to perform to the best of their abilities.
🍓 Shy away from social situations;
Will not love to participate in family functions, will avoid doing friendships.
Tips To Overcome Stuff:
1. Never compare.
2. Understand your child
3. Never act as a judge.
4. Never set them up to compete.
5. Never expect one child to set an example.
6. Never take sides in a fight.
7. Treat each child according to their individual needs.
8. Involve yourself with each child individually.
9. Talk to your children about their needs. Parents often know intuitively what their children need.
10. This sentiment reflects an important principle underlying the favorite child complex: favoritism is normal and occurs in EVERY family — usual and non-traditional, numerous children and only children. If parents accept this issue then this most important issue can be resolved. Often parents are more unaware of their own exhibition of favoring one child, or ignoring the neglected one. Such vibes of these parents are probable to challenge the mental health of the favorite child and to wound those who are not favored.
11. Many parents deny having stronger bonding with the given child. They do not believe that they prefer one child over other. Other parents acknowledge that on a given evening, they prefer being with the child who is more easy-going, cooperative or less high-pitched. One mother writes, “Of course I relate better to my child who is most like me. It is just easier for me to understand her but that doesn’t mean that I have a favorite.”
12. “Favorite child complex” can last a lifetime.